


You are Worthy

by T_Sauce



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/F, Happy Ending, Red Room, brief mentions of past torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-21
Updated: 2016-07-21
Packaged: 2018-07-25 22:07:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7549042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/T_Sauce/pseuds/T_Sauce
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"No, that's not a question I need answering" </p>
<p>Natasha never wanted to pick up Mjolnir, she already knew the answer, but did she really know the truth? Is the Black Widow really as soulless as people say? Maria Hill certainly doesn't think so.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You are Worthy

**Author's Note:**

> I've been reading a lot of Maria/Natasha fics on here and wanted to add to this fandom and I haven't been able to get this idea out of my head. Natasha is the best Avenger, and certainly has the most interesting back story.
> 
> I hope you enjoy.

"No, that's not a question I need answering" 

Natasha shook her head as she spoke. She looked over at Thor's hammer sitting on the table. It was truth and it was pure, and it represented everything she wasn't. Not that she'd ever say that out loud to anyone. She looked around at the other Avengers, smiling along with everyone else as she watched Tony and Rhodey trying to list the hammer. She watched as Clint tried and failed, laughing as sweat broke out on his forehead in his exertion. She saw the worried look in Thor's eyes as Steve went forward and attempted, and the relief in Thor's smile when Steve failed. 

No. She watched them all laughing and joking, but her smile felt fake. These other Avengers - as much as she adored each and every one of them - they didn't know her. Not really. She was the Black Widow. Natasha Romanoff. Natalia Romanova. She'd had many different names in her lifetime, but she liked Natasha. Natasha was a safe name. It kept the nightmares at bay. When the sun set and it was silent in the tower, the nightmares often came. They probably couldn't be considered nightmares when they were memories, but they came none the less when she closed her eyes.

They were always the same. The handlers in the Red Room, the ones that trained her, except their eyes were always black, the sort of blackness that you got sucked into, as though they were sucking out your soul. The girls she had killed in training. The initiation. The torture to make her comply with their ideas and their way of thinking to make her a mindless, soulless assassin. 

But then Clint saved her, he took her to Nick Fury who taught her that there was more to life than killing. Clint, who introduced her to his family, who trusted her enough to be around his children, who knew about her past and let her into his future. The great Peggy Carter who spent time with her, having dinner with her and teaching her about S.H.I.E.L.D. Deputy Director Maria Hill who sparred with her over and over, despite the fact that she lost nearly every time (Natasha still claims that she lost that one time because Maria cheated somehow, not because Maria had winked at her and thrown her off guard - Natasha is then also adamant that she hadn't blushed). 

Maria Hill is the first women she'd ever met that wasn't trying to compete with her and who was just a genuine friend. It was a weird concept, having female friends. Even having male friends was just a necessary means to an end, usually leading to seduction to get something she wanted or needed. It took a while to open up to Maria, longer than it took for her to trust Clint and Nick - probably due to the fact that all the women previously in her life had been trying to kill her...

Natasha didn't know if it was the novelty, or if it was something that was always there that had never had the chance to blossom before, but she found herself craning her head in the halls to look for Maria. Cherishing the conversations they had and playing them back in her head. She flirted with Bruce sure, but old habits die hard, and maybe she was subconsciously trying to quash the ever developing feelings for the Deputy Director.

Natasha is the new her. The her that has friends, she has family (albeit more of an adopted family), and she has a future where the choice is hers. Not already dictated to her already. 

No, she didn't want to know, the things she had done were unforgivable. They were things you couldn't forget either. There were things she could never share with her teammates - with her friends. She was quite content to sit and watch the fun, but she still felt a part of it. It used to be like she was watching from the sidelines, numb and raw, but that was Natalia. Natasha has friends and is a part of something, something good and something pure. But even that can't erase the things she has done. 

It was later after Ultron had attacked with his drones that Natasha found herself alone again in the living room. Tony and Bruce had disappeared to the lab, Steve had gone for a run, Clint was somewhere on the phone to his wife, and Thor was off somewhere doing God-like things. 

Natasha wandered across the living space to the kitchen and poured herself a cup of coffee - she didn't like sleeping anyway on account of the nightmares. She crossed the floor in a pair of ankle socks, a pair of navy skinny jeans and a baggy grey t-shirt with long white sleeves. It was on the way back she spotted Mjolnir sitting on the coffee table where it had been before Ultron attacked. Thor didn't have to worry about it being stolen she supposed, whereas if you left any food or books lying around it was usually taken by one of the other inhabitants of the Tower. 

Curiosity got the better of her and she padded across the floor setting her coffee down on the table next to the hammer. She stared at it feeling drawn in. She could feel the power radiating off it even without touching it, and she could understand the rivalry between Thor and Loki finally. 

'I don't need to do this. It's just going to prove something I already know' Natasha whispered to herself, but what was the harm, it wouldn't change anything. 

Except it did. 

Natasha leant down and wrapped her hand around the hilt, and prepared herself for nothing. Except nothing didn't happen. The hammer came up as she brought her hand up and she stood there, holding the hammer in her hand, just staring at it. The first thing she registered it was shock. The second thing she registered was that the hammer was deceivingly light, and the it was surprisingly well balanced.

"Not worthy huh"? Maria said, and Natasha whipped around to see Maria walking into the room, hands behind her back and a smirk on her face. 

"I...don't understand" Natasha managed to stammer out, stood with hammer still in her outstretched hand, reaching towards Maria. 

"Well, I suppose that means you have to stop doubting yourself now, and see yourself the way everyone else sees you" Maria said as she crossed the room and stood in front of Natasha, reaching over and placing her hand over the one grasping the hammer. "The way I see you" Maria finished her sentence as a whisper as she stared at Natasha. 

Natasha cleared her throat and stepped away, trying to ignore the goosebumps on her hand as she reluctantly pulled away from the contact. "And how does everyone see me? As a seductress incapable of real feelings? The cold blooded assassin? The soulless girl with dead eyes and an empty smile" she turned her head to one side to try and avoid Maria's intense gaze as she felt her own eyes filled with tears. 

"Is that how you see yourself"? Maria asked, and Natasha heard her voice catch as she finished the sentence.

"I guess some habits are hard to break" Natasha shrugged, looking down at the hammer in her head, still unable to fully comprehend that she is able to pick up this, godly power that even the great Captain America couldn't. She put it back on the coffee table where she'd found it and turned to look at Maria, who had obviously just come from the Helicarrier, as she was still dressed in her black combats and black polo shirt with the S.H.I.E.L.D logo over the left breast. Maria just stood there, waiting for Natasha to elaborate, "you grow up with men and women who tell you that you're only good for one thing, that you're worthless, I guess some of it sticks, and no amount of unconditioning can make you forget those words". 

"That's bullshit" Maria stated, matter of fact, and she took another step towards Natasha, so close they could feel the heat from the others body, she brought both hands up and cupped Natasha's face gently, "you are probably the only person in this building worthy of lifting up that hammer, even more worthy than Thor"

"I think you're the one full of bullshit" Natasha managed half a laugh at this as she looked down - anything to avoid the look on Maria's face. It was full of sorrow, her eyes looked full of despair, eyebrows raised slightly, and mouth open with aghast. The soft touch either side of her hand suddenly became forceful as her head was forced upso she made eye contact with Maria. 

"You really don't get it do you"? Maria said softly, "I was here when you were brought in remember. I've see how far you've come. You spent the first two weeks in a cell by yourself as you threw yourself around trying to hurt everyone that brought you food and water. Your eyes were dark and dangerous and you scared the shit out of me. Then you started too change. You are not the same person you were. You may have been that person you've described, but you aren't any more. These past few years I've had the honour of calling you a colleague. You are an Avenger. A superhero, and yes, maybe you have red in your ledger, but you have a hell of a lot of sparkly stuff as well. You've saved the world more times than you know. You're a superhero Natasha. You've overcome so much more than anyone else could even comprehend to become the person you are today, and in my eyes that makes you much more than worthy to pick up that hammer"

Natasha had tears rolling down her face, and for once she didn't care that someone could see her. In this moment all she could see was Natasha. The blue eyes, soft lips and the smile that she sometimes wished was reserved for her. 

"You are everything Natasha, so much more than you realise" Maria finished, and with that she leant down and pressed her lips to Natasha's, and the world stopped turning. 

Natasha opened her mouth and kissed back, standing up straighter, tilting her head so she could feel more, smell more, taste more. Everything was Maria and it was overwhelming. The tall brunette was consuming everything she was, and she didn't mind. Everything she had dreamed about was happening, and for the first time in her entire life, she felt free. Like maybe, just maybe she could be something more than what she thought. 

They pulled apart, and Maria pressed her forehead to Natasha's own. "Please see yourself how I do Natasha, and I know what you've been through, I've read your file, and I witnessed it. But you are beautiful, strong, brave, smart and you are resilient. Nick Fury wouldn't have brought you here if you weren't"

"Easier said than done" Natasha replied. Maria had broken her walls down in the space of five minutes. Although truth be told, Maria had been doing that since they met in training and the unconditioning. 

"Then let me help you" Maria said, "let me help show you how much you mean to me, how much I care about you"

"No one has every cared about me, I'm finding it hard to believe you do" Natasha whispered, a fresh set of silent tears falling down her face.

"I'll prove it to you, I swear. And if you don't believe me, believe the mighty hammer of Thor. It believes you're worthy, and trust me, I can't pick that hammer up" Maria smiled, using her thumbs to wipe the tears from Natasha's cheeks. Natasha took a deep breath. 

"I'll try if you'll help me" Natasha smiled, suddenly feeling quite shy, a word no one would ever have used to describe the Black Widow before this moment. 

"Try and stop me" Maria smiled, leaning down and pressing her lips against Natasha's again in a chaste kiss. They pulled apart at the clearing of a throat behind them. They both spun around to see Thor stood there, a cheeky smile on his face.

"She's right you know, about being worthy" Thor grinned, "I don't know everything you've been through, but I've heard some things, and Commander Hill is correct. But I see you were busy, so I'll just, uhm, go. You two have fun being worthy" 

Thor laughed along with the two women as Mjolnir came flying at his head, for the first time in his life without him reaching for it first.


End file.
